Answering Instagram questions.
Today I’m answering some of the questions you asked on Instagram. I usually panic about how quickly I have to respond (and the pressure to be witty my godddd), so it was nice to take my time and really think these through. Hope you like ‘em!
Biggest regret in life?
Spending so many years hating my body. I was horrible to myself and I really mistreated it. It makes me sick to think that I was so unkind to the vessel that has given me the most beautiful blessings of my life, my kids. I really try not to blame others or act like a victim, but I had some pretty messed up things said to me as a young actress. I didn’t have the mental strength to tell those grown ass adults to go fuck themselves. Instead, I picked myself apart, and assumed that the less space I took up, the more valuable I was. It took me many years to start respecting myself. I still have my hard days, but most of the time I have a really healthy relationship with my body. I’m so grateful for what it’s done for me, and I focus on my strength and vitality, as opposed to my jeans size. I know they say not to have regrets, so I guess I’ll try to reframe it as a learning experience. I will never use the words fat or ugly around my kids, and I’ll make sure that they know that every size is beautiful. Oh and if I ever run into those assholes who made me feel like I wasn’t thin enough, I’m going to aggressively shame them whilst shoving peanut butter cups down my throat.
How do you stop worrying about too much weight gain during pregnancy? Struggling to love myself rn.
This ain’t my first rodeo and I gotta tell you, it’s rough every time. The one thing I do have now is experience. I remember giving birth to James and staring at my body in awe, squishy belly and all. I had never loved and respected it so much in my entire life. I couldn’t believe that it had grown this perfect little being. In each subsequent pregnancy, I’ve tried to remind myself of that feeling. It’s not easy to watch it grow and change in ways that don’t feel comfortable. It doesn’t feel fair that you gotta deal with morning sickness, hormones, pain, sleepless nights, AND swell up like a balloon. It’s a mindfuck no matter which way you slice it. But it’s also a privilege. What works for me is staying away from the scale. I exercise, eat nutritious foods, and indulge when I feel like it. I take care of myself and my baby and the rest is out of my control. My husband reminded me the other day that even though it feels tough, I love a challenge. Getting fit and strong after a child is definitely a challenge, and I’m excited to prove to myself what I can do (maybe another marathon). Don’t be so hard on yourself - you’re a walking miracle.
Any advice for going from one kid to two? Feels like it took forever to find me again, and I'm scared of losing myself.
I found the transition from 1 to 2 a million times easier than than 0 -1. I knew what to expect, I wasn’t so tough on myself, and I knew that even if it took time, I’d find myself again. I wouldn’t say it was pain free, but I had so much more grace for myself, which made the hard moments pass quicker. Perhaps before you have the baby, you could write down a list of things that you know make you feel great. Reading a good book, going for a manicure, lunch with a friend. The things that make you go ‘ahhhh, there I am.’ Then commit to doing one item on the list a week. Maybe not the first couple of weeks when you’re healing (and potentially a milk machine), but after that, give yourself 1-2 hrs. It’s really not a huge amount of time but it makes the world of difference to your mental health. Get your fellow caretakers on board (dad/grandparents/friends - you’d be surprised at how many people would jump at the chance to cuddle a baby), and ask them to help you commit to it. I can relate to your anxiety, but I’m so excited for you. I promise it’s all worth it.
Are you proud of yourself?
This is such an interesting question to answer because at some point in my life, I developed a belief that if you say anything good about yourself, you’re an asshole. ‘Don’t show off! Don’t let people think that you lack humility!’ So off I went putting myself down, minimizing my achievements, and judging people who openly spoke about theirs. Call it tall poppy syndrome, or just a weird personality trait, but it was a core belief of mine. Over time (and in therapy), I realized that this mentality didn’t really serve me. Of course it’s important to be humble (and kind/respectful), but speaking poorly about yourself only attracts that same energy from others. Having healthy self esteem doesn’t automatically make you a pompous prick. It’s also important to acknowledge your wins and achievements, instead of constantly reaching for the next thing. That’s the key to being truly present and content. So yes. I’m really proud of myself. I’m proud of the work I’ve done to be a better person, I’m proud of how hard I have worked to build my career, and I’m proud that I’ve made peace with the things that didn’t go my way. I’m proud that I’ve made tough decisions and removed myself from situations that weren’t right for me (no matter how scary those moments were), and I’m most proud of the fact that I always try to help others. It’s still hard for me to type this, but I know it’s important. Maybe you’ll share something you’re proud of in the comments too :)
Do you ever get jealous or insecure?
I’m not a super jealous person, but I was constantly insecure in my previous relationships. I never felt good enough, pretty enough, talented enough… the list goes on. That’s not to say that anyone ‘made’ me feel that way. I believe in taking responsibility for your feelings, since you’re the only one who can control them. I will say that I can trace it all back to the notion of safety. I never felt safe to be who I really was. Safe to mess up, to look like shit, to say the wrong thing. I was always worried that I’d drive someone away if I weren’t the perfect version of myself. Now that I’m in a healthy marriage, I never feel insecure. Andy’s done a bang up job of making it clear that he loves me exactly as I am. I also think it’s something that comes with age. I can’t be assed pretending to be someone I’m not, and I’d go so far as to say that I even like myself! If you’d told me at 21 I’d be writing that for public consumption, I’d have told you that you needed to be committed. If I could give advice to my younger self, or anyone struggling with insecurity, I’d say 3 things. 1) Never settle for something you know isn’t right, 2) Give it time. With age comes wrinkles, but also wisdom and a stronger sense of self, and 3) Invest in therapy the same way you’d invest in medical care. It’ll change your life.
Do you ever miss your past (child-free) life?
Hell yes. I think about boozy brunches way more than I’d like to admit. I don’t think we have to pretend that parenting is a walk in the park (in fact, I wouldn’t mind avoiding the park for the next decade). Sleepless nights, responsibilities, anxiety. It’s tough. There are moments I daydream about sleeping in on a Sunday and binging Vanderpump Rules all day. Sometimes in the midst of a toddler meltdown, I think about the time I lived in a quiet little apartment and didn’t have to be so mindful of my triggers and responses. But you also couldn’t pay me 100 billion dollars to go back to the time when they didn’t exist, since my family is my entire heart and soul. You’re not a shitty parent if you miss parts of your old life and it doesn’t mean you love your kids any less. It just means you’re human.
How to get out of a toxic relationship? Still love him through all the things he did.
Look, I get it. It’s so hard to walk away when you still love someone, but deep love doesn’t always mean it’s right. In fact, there are about 50 other factors to consider when you’re evaluating if you’re in a good relationship. You can have all the love and passion in the world, but if your core values are different, it won’t work. I’m not sure what this guy did (if he treated you like shit I’ll kick his ass!!!), but in my experience, if things have turned toxic it’s time to jump ship. There are so many men out there who would jump at the opportunity to treat you like a queen. Give yourself a chance to find them. Start choosing yourself. I’m saying this as someone who has been through hardcore heartbreak - beautiful, gentle, non toxic love exists. Remind yourself of what you deserve, and make the hard decision. You won’t regret it.
Very very sad and lonely girl who took herself to dance class to feel better after a break up.
Are you done after baby 3?
Yes. I just can’t do the pregnancy thing again. Unless the universe has other plans for me (which I highly doubt), I’m good with 3.
What makes you really angry?
-People who don’t courtesy wave
-People who block intersections
-Men who don’t think it’s their responsibility to help with their own damn kids
-Bullies - if I could I would single-handedly take down every last one of them
-Majorie Taylor Greene
-Influencers who give medical advice without any solid data. I love when @biolayne rips ‘em apart
Might be a weird question but respectfully, how has your face change in the last few years?
I think you’re probably referring to the fact that it used to be a lot rounder? Lol. Firstly, I’m old. When you get older your face changes. I also lost some weight when I came off birth control so it’s not as full as it was pre kids (unless I’m pregnant - then I swell back up nicely). I also think that thicker, darker brows help define the features. In terms of procedures, I’m a die hard Botox fan and will continue forever and ever until they invent something better or tell me that it’ll kill me. I get it in my forehead, 11s, and a little in my crows feet. Never tried filler but I’ve tried a few lasers. They seem to make my melasma worse so I mostly stay away. Good skin care, hydration, sunscreen, and a good diet really does make a difference.
Leave a comment
SSarah | 08.24.2023 | 05:38PM
Thank you always for your genuine honesty. I look forward to these weekly
YYana | 08.24.2023 | 05:38PM
Thank you for sharing, Claire!
AAlejandra | 08.24.2023 | 05:38PM
Thank you for being so humble and opening yourself to us, much love ♥️
SSerenah Adhiambo | 08.24.2023 | 05:38PM
This is really inspiring and amazing
DDians | 08.24.2023 | 05:38PM
Thanks a lot for the post! It’s so nice to see people with such approuch to life on social media! Always look up to you and admire you as a person and a mom. Hope to build a healthy family in the future as well.
AAmber Johnson | 08.24.2023 | 05:39PM
How did you go after what you truly wanted without letting the fear of consequences stop you?
JJoy Tedford | 08.24.2023 | 05:39PM
I love how open and honest you are in your blog! That makes it less scary to be a woman these days. It encourages all of us to better accept ourselves and where we are in life! Thank you!
NNicole | 08.24.2023 | 05:39PM
Love how relatable you are and not flashy and fake like most celebs. I don’t buy into the whole celebrity thing and wouldn’t consider myself a “fan” of anyone. I love movies/shows I follow people on social media based on the good things they do irl. When you had your miscarriage years ago I had just gone through one and I appreciated how you spoke openly about it as it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of. Thank you.
PPhoenix Williams | 08.24.2023 | 05:39PM
This was exactly what young females needed to hear 😊
DDouaa El fallaki | 08.24.2023 | 05:40PM
JJamie Timony | 08.24.2023 | 05:40PM
This was great Claire xx
MMichaela | 08.24.2023 | 05:40PM
LOVE YOU for this post. Just yes. A whole lot of yes. Hope you’re swimming along nicely with #3 due soon ♥️
ZZandri | 08.24.2023 | 05:40PM
I don’t have a lot to say other than.. That was beautiful, courageous and I loved reading it ❤️
MMaisha Ahmed | 08.24.2023 | 05:41PM
I felt good about myself after reading this. Thank you xx
EEmily Maki | 08.24.2023 | 05:41PM
Is there anything you wish you had done differently with your first child?
TTess Taylor | 08.24.2023 | 05:41PM
Love your posts Claire!! And Thankyou for speaking so candidly about having Botox!! I just turned 30 and have been thinking about it for a while but was so afraid of judgement😳 needed this 🏼
LLaura | 08.24.2023 | 05:41PM
Your answer to the transition of 0-1 to 1-2 has made me feel waaaaay better and calmer than what I was before. I’ve been thinking on having a second baby but the anxiety of dealing with two kids at the same time was eating me alive lol now that I’ve read you I know that everything will be fine with the experience I’m still learning from my first kid
EEricka | 08.24.2023 | 05:41PM
Thank you! I’m struggling with life after a toxic marriage. Being a single mom of two is kicking my ass. Your thoughts make me believe in the hope of sanity and peace. Thank you!
GGunja Singh | 08.24.2023 | 05:41PM
As someone on the edge of deciding kids/ no kids , this was a nice read. Lots of places where I relate with the post, being a runner myself and finding a nice partner after many disastrous relationships.
KKaelyn | 08.24.2023 | 05:41PM
Loved reading this. I love how you were able to open up. Its insightful!
KKirsten Schuler | 08.24.2023 | 05:41PM
Hi! Been a fan for a long while but recently started reading/following your blog.
I’m 24 years old so this might seem weird but your advice somehow feels like it’s from a mom/best friend at the same time? I love the way you talk to your readers and even though I am single, hate my job and constantly feel lost in this busy world – I really connect to you.
Maybe your inner monologue just feels familiar to mine. Anyways, it’s been way more influential than I ever expected a blog to make me feel- so thank you.
KKatya | 08.24.2023 | 05:41PM
I loved every single things you just wrote. 🤍 It is a great reminder that we are only human and we should gave us more credit for all the little things we accomplish. Thanks Claire!
JJanette Cordova | 08.24.2023 | 05:41PM
Ahhh reading your posts feels like I’m talking to a close friend of mine. So refreshing reading genuine words 💛 love you my Australian queen!!
KKaren Firth | 08.24.2023 | 05:41PM
I love your honesty and humor. Keep on being you!
GGloria | 08.24.2023 | 05:43PM
How has acting affected your personal life with your family? Has it had a negative or positive impact? Or a little bit of both. And how have you dealt with it?