An embarrassing amount, really. I cared so much about what other people thought that it basically ran my life. Just constant anxiety and overthinking. 

I remember when I first started filming H2O - instead of being present in the scene, I was hyper-focused on how I looked in the shot. Was my hair weird? Did I blink too much? Would people think I was trying too hard? Would that boy I had a crush on think I was hot in my capri cargos and button-down-flowery-printed sleeveless top? It was exhausting.

That self-awareness (read: insecurity) followed me well into my twenties. I obsessed over captions (ok I still do this), reworded emails five times, replayed conversations for days. If someone didn’t text me back, I was convinced I’d done something horribly wrong. Silence wasn’t just silence - it was a sign that I was disliked, or worse, annoying. 

It wasn’t until I had kids and started living outside of my own brain that I came to the profound realization: 

No one is thinking about you.

And if they are? Who the fuck cares?

And if someone really gets off on cutting other people down? That says everything about them and nothing about you. People who are truly at peace with themselves don’t waste energy dissecting someone else’s life. They’re too busy, you know, living their own.

As I’ve stepped outside the world of acting - tried new ventures, launched things, pivoted, failed, started again - there’s been fear. Fear that people will think I’m trying too hard. That I’ll be mocked for doing something different. That I’ll mess it up.

But at this point, the only thing worse than failing in public is not trying because you’re worried someone might laugh at you. And if they are laughing? So what?

I’ve spent way too much time worrying that I’ll say the wrong thing or be misinterpreted. But living in that kind of fear is soul-crushing. It’s not brave, it’s not sustainable, and it sure as hell isn’t fun.

So here’s where I’ve landed:

1. Have a sense of humor about yourself.

2. Make mistakes.

3. Apologize if you need to - but don’t self-immolate.

Because it's not that serious.

Yes, there are very real things in this world that are serious. We should care. We should stay informed and do our best. But that thing you said in the group chat? The weird interaction you had with someone you don’t know that well? That failed side hustle? It does not matter as much as you think it does.

Youth is so wasted on the young. Like how on earth did I spend so much energy worrying if I was hot enough, cool enough, smart enough… enough in general. Literally NO ONE cared but me. 

Thank god I’m finally starting to get it in my mid cough to late 30s.

With age, your circle shrinks, your priorities clarify, and you realize: the only opinions that truly matter are from the people you’d trust to babysit your kids - or at least pick you up from the airport.

Everyone else?

Not your problem.