How to be a 90s parent in 2025

Written by CLAIRE HOLT | Jun 11, 2025

I still have a baby monitor in my six-year-old’s room. You read that right. He has night terrors, and I need to know if he’s screaming because he’s reenacting Jurassic Park, or if he’s walked straight off the edge of his bed in his sleep which, yes, has happened. I turn it off at 9:30pm when peak night terror hour has passed, so please don’t judge me. Or do, but quietly.

What’s wild is that I grew up roaming the bushland behind our house until it got dark. We made horror movies with our family video camera and the kitchen butcher knife (not sure my mum would have allowed that had she known). We rode our bikes around the neighborhood for hours, and played unsupervised until someone eventually shouted, 'Dinner!'" We didn’t have screens, or schedules. We had freedom, boredom, scraped knees, and that eerie thrill of figuring life out by doing stuff we weren’t quite supposed to do. Our holidays were spent camping, exploring rock pools and beachside caves, and getting dragged behind a zodiac by our older cousins in what was definitely shark-infested water. There were more trips to the ER than my mum would have liked, but I guess that was just part of being a kid at the time.

It was glorious. 

And I find myself desperately wanting to give that to my kids. I also find myself wanting to wrap them in bubble wrap, and watch them via surveillance drone at all times.

That’s the push-pull I live in every single day.

On one hand, I want to be a “let-them-climb” parent. The kind who says things like, “Do you feel safe up there?” instead of “Get down right now before you break your neck!”. I try to let them order their own food at restaurants, go to the bathroom alone, walk a few houses down without me shadowing them like a Secret Service agent. I believe in those moments. They build confidence, autonomy, and the ability to navigate the real world.

On the other hand, I am watching them. I’m always watching them. And it’s not just out of fear of injury or abduction. It’s the fear of being perceived as a “bad parent.” We live in an era where one photo, one moment, one decision can be weaponized by strangers on the internet. I’ve seen parents criticized, called out, even reported for giving their kids space to grow. It’s a hard balance. I haven’t gotten it right yet. I don’t know if anyone has.

Sometimes I fantasize about a guidebook. How to Parent Like It’s the 90s in a 2025 World. I’m begging someone with the answers to write it. In the meantime, I’m trying to live somewhere in the middle. Let them climb. Let them fall (just a little). Let them be bored. Let them figure it out. Let them feel safe, not just because I’m watching, but because they trust themselves.

And maybe one day, I’ll even unplug the monitor.

xo, Claire

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  • H
    Holly M | 06.12.2025 | 07:06PM

    As a 90s child with my first baby, I’m 100% feeling this.

  • A
    Amelia | 06.12.2025 | 10:28AM

    here’s the perspective of someone who is gen Z: i’m not a parent, but this hit me hard. growing up today feels so different from what you described in the 90s, and honestly? i wish we had more freedom like that. it’s not even about doing wild stuff, but it’s about feeling trusted. safe enough to try, fail and explore. your kids are lucky to have a parent who thinks like this. just wanted to say thank you for writing it, and your honesty means more than you know. 💓 sending love

  • A
    Ashley Baddeley | 06.12.2025 | 10:07AM

    Our entire community is on the same page in trying to give our kids a “90s childhood” and we all just finished reading The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. Though I may not agree with 100% of the messaging in the book, I still highly recommend it (especially as your kids are getting older) if this mindset is important to you.

  • A
    Anahi Luevano | 06.12.2025 | 10:07AM

    Hi Claire, first off big fan from VPD! But this piece is such a good read. I’ve yet to have kids but I have the same thoughts as you. The 90s, 00s, were such a fun free years to grow up in! Every time my nieces or nephews are around using their tablets I just think of the ways they’re missing out on things like looking out the window during car rides or even making connections with family. But I guess for now, we as adults, have to figure out a way to make sure our children are still exposed to what we were in a safer manner? Keep writing, I’ll keep reading!

  • S
    Shiri | 06.12.2025 | 10:07AM

    This! I feeeel this so deeply. Being a 90s kid with a 9 year old now is just crazy. The world is a sick place now but I take solace in the fact that my kid has excellent music taste thanks to his mum and dad!

  • A
    Amy | 06.12.2025 | 10:07AM

    Dax Shepard talks about this on the Jonathan Haidt podcast episode. He also recommends a book called Free Range Parenting.